.: emptiness of happiness

Monday, March 9, 2009

emptiness of happiness

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Lucky Star-the beginning

PAAASSSHHHHH!!! Ohh pening nya....segala kerja2 ku semakin banyak dikeliling 'pinggang'ku...semakin lama ku didalam tahun persekolahan menengah 6 ini,semakin sibuk hari2 ku lalui sehinggalah satu hari itu......

PAKKK!! Ouch.... 'hoi knapa pakai ballpen ku???'ohh mukaku terasa merah ditampar oleh seorang gadis yang mukanya sederhana kurus dan tak pernah ku lihat sebelum ini....lalu dia merampas ballpen kepunyaannya dan lari menuju ke pintu kelas dan langkahnya terhenti apabila.......

''Ohh..gadis S...wow...u look beautiful today....'' huh...perempuan ini...kawan gadis S????

The Lucky Star(part 5) parabola

its all turn out to be very frustrating while i tried my best to figure out what i was rely up to? why should my curiousity rely turn me out of control?? who was she? a wine? why couldnt i stop this stupid feeling.....

'hey r u there?' i was surprised wif the 'blub'sound of my msn...ohh i kept on thinking of those horrible thing that i would felt on...its hard to imagine..if...i...could felt in love at her....but i dunt know...this feeling told me that i did...i did felt in love...at her...

'hey..im sory i was late....i got somethings to think just now'...she said...'what is it?'n i replied...'well...im thinking about u..hahaha'...i dunt meant the laughed...cuz i rely did thinking about her....but again..i was surprised by the 'blub' sound...

'so...where r u ryt now.....r u alone?' so i answered....'nop..im wif my cousin and his friends...they're karoakeing ryt now...well u know...''singer's stuff''....haha'

''ou..rely? so u dunt join them?' i replied...'nop..i dunt have the talent to sing...or to enjoy wif someone that i dunt rely know..u too ryt'...n she kept quiet for some moment...then she replied..

'ohh..i see...dont u feel bored? i mean u should enjoy ur night wif them'...well...that stuck me up wif my own words...i tried my best to think of other think..so i turned out subject...n said...'so what what r u doing ryt now? n she replied....ím watching parabola ryt now...sort of.....' suddenly i didnt know where that hell-joke-of-thinking came from and i replied her....

'hahaha u r watching parabola? dunt u get bored wiv it'...n she said...'bored of what? its fun watching parabola rather than sleeping ryt'..n i argued....'no..thats not what i mean..what i mean was that...me..i'll get bored if only watching the parabola...'watching'the 'parabola'???...u get me??'''

'hahaha..funny haa...i mean watching the channel waaaaaaa!!!'...and i smiled...in my self...and it took attention on him..my cuzen i mean....and he said....

'baik..senyum2..' and he invited me to sing along with him..but i rejected him...i rather to be alone...well...not rely alone....hehe...and its all goes very slow that night...after decision by decision i could think off...and finally i got it...i have to press her numbers..one by one.....and i did....

tit..tit..tit..tat...tut..tat..tut............trut trut~trut trut~....''helo''....uhh...this voice...this voice....hurt me.......

The lucky Star part 4(into her life)

well..its all going out of my main possible-logic-investigatic theories that i wanted to know her...who is her? what have she done that makes me so dissapointed to myself...why dont just let it all go....its been a-very-while ago...though i was still children at that time...why should i care those feelings....those questions playing around in my mind everytime i saw her...walking wif her friends,Pumy especially....and someone i envy at..so much...its a 'he'...but they were frens...not more than that...as it all begin with.....

''helo...erm...Gadis S.....when is your bufday....?''.....''kemarinn juuuaaaa~'' she answered me childishly but infertilled my adrenaline....that was the first time i heard her lovely voice...i still remember how she pronounce those lovely tense...it made me want to let it rang again in me ears...till one night...i went to have some talk with Pumy...well she is a frenly kind of person...i love to have conversation with Pumy...and along the road of conversation we stopped when i asked...

''Pumy...can i know wat is Gadis S's email?'' n she said...i cant give u only f i hv the power to''....so i said ''ok nevermind then..i guess i'll ask her my self....so conversation silent for while....and suddenly...

''hei...Gadis S promote u her email...come' on add up or u'll missed it..'' n she laughed...i was surprised for that...so i added her up and waited for her to appear on9...and waiting..and waiting...and....lucky star......appeared.......

the lucky star

2002 was my most memorieable years till now..in which i found my first love..ehe..it was when i was in darjah 6 ugama school...haha cinta monyet x aa..haha msa tu registration utk students bru..so my papa dgni laa..it started quite special...aha mcm dlm drama..msa tu ku abis register so blek laa..then b4 ku kluar dri blik pndaftaran..suddenly a girl msuk...then i dunt know y ku liat mtanya n she did too to me..haha then kmi past by...waa jantung akuu gebab gebub tym tuu..haha...p mls laa fkir sgt msa tuu cz panik kn cari my new class..haha

Then i found my new class...so otw ksna suddenly ku nmpk ia...d gurl yg td i mentioned aaa..uhu..rupanya classnya sblh my class..wawawa epinya aku msa tuu..haha...dunt know y...blum ada rsa cinta msa tuu..juz ska ckit..haha then fter dat day..ku pn bljr mcm biasa la wif my new environtment,friends n teachers...bt smthing kept on playing in my mind...wats her name??? haha nvrmind...fter few weeks ku skulh..finally i knew her name...NurZ(bkn nama sebenar)..ehe ku tau pn dri kwn2 nya...n ia kna pnggil alai..ehe comel eh....then i started to know her a bit..frm tym to tym...n lama2 ku dpt fhmi sikapnya...urgnya serious,pndiam,luk innocent,kdg2 tkluar sikap cut like ktawa nya comel...aha apakn...lama2 ku pn kuat kn hati kn ckp sma ia f ada ksempatan p mayb nada jodoh ku na prnh dpt ksmpatan tu...mcm2 ja halangan..urghh...

so i decided to take my last action...i needed to propose her...wat i planned was to propose her msa khatam Al Quran...n i did...bt.....huh...she giv me the most beautiful smile as iv ever seen in my life n reject me dgn impact yg bnr2 mngubah idup kuu smpi msa ne..ku mkin lma teikut2 dgn sikapnya..ku mkin tkt utk bckp dgn urg..ku malu dgn driku yg pntingkn dri sndiri...im sory lai....huh..

6 years brlalu...now im getting mature...so ku planned kn bljr bnr2..buat yg trbaik in my study...n ku dpt my o'level exam n msuk 6th form...so kmi kna bgi date utk 1st day skulh sna.....

msuk dewan...waaa...ramai nya urg...which are all my friends now..p msa tu blum knal g..haha so msuk ja dewan n jumpa d teachers n knalan2 la wif some students...hehe syok...then suddenly hati ku menangis,jantung mcm brhenti brdenyut,masa trasa trhenti...napa lai..napa ko muncul smula msa cane......

*This story were taken from ******..and it goes for the reader.....

Lucky Star(part 2)-The Dream

well..it all happened very fast..now semuanya menjadi tidak menentu..apa yang tinggal hanyalah rasa serba salah dan penantian yang hanya sia-sia...ku mula kenal dirinya yang sebenar..persamaan yg buat ku merasa kehilangan mula menghilang...semakin hari perbezaan yang ada pada dirinya mula ketara..sejarah hidupnya,kesunyiannya,keinginannya untuk memiliki semua kebahagiaan bersama temannya memberi impak kepada ku...ku mula sedar bahawa semua kenangan bersama Alai(bukan nama sebenar) hanyalah bagai angin yang sekali lagi hadir dalam hidupku dan meniup hati yang semakin lama semakin tertekan,semakin lama semakin hina ku rasa.Ku mula tertanya-tanya apakah yang telah ku lakukan?Adakah selama ini dirinya yang hadir semula buat ku cinta? Ataukah kerna perbezaannya dengan Alai buat ku cinta? siapakah sebenarnya dia? patut kah aku terus menyintainya?....................tok tok.....jul....bgn ehh...skulah ko kah?? aher dh!!!......................huh?? aku bermimpi??apakah maksud mimpi tu?adakah aku dah mula menyintainya?gadis S..knapa kau muncul bersama kenangan itu?kenapa?

Lucky Star(part 3)

'Pumy'(bkn nama sebenar)....thats her bestfriend's name...i mean Pumy nama kawan baik si Gadis S...ohh btw Pumy is a girl...ia ne orangnya cool,bijak dalam pertuturan,orangnya 'gagah' tapi cukup berkaliber...dan...bleh jua dikatakan lawa orangnya...sebab tu banyak jejaka-jejaka di sekolah ku coba untuk memikat hatinya..tetapi selalunya takkan berjaya..haha..kerna hatinya sudah keras untuk bercinta....tak ku ketahui sebabnya...mungkin dirinya pernah gagal dalam bercinta..namun dihatiku selalu berkata..'i like this girl..i mean i like her attitude!!' so 1day semasa ku mencari2 dimana lokasinya tandas sekolah baru ku ini...ku terserempak dengannya...saat itu lah kali pertama ku mengenalinya...aku pn dengan tergesa-gesa bertanya namanya....

'oh your name is Pumy ryt...' haha ku rasa diriku begitu berani ketika itu untuk brtanya kerana ku mengenali bapanya...bapanya pernah menjadi guru ku semasa ku di menegah bawah dahulu..alasan itu sudah cukup untuk ku mengenalinya...dan selepas hari itu kami ditakdir kan menjadi kawan baik..kami sama-sama belajar,sama-sama ketawa,dan kebetulan juga subjek 'ilmu alam' ku dengannya...ini buat ku lebih mengenali dirinya...tapi sebelum kami mengenali sesama sendiri semasa mula-mula dahulu ku pernah memberitahunya sesuatu...

'Pumy..sory kacau..boleh jumpa ku selepas habis kelas tengah hari later?i wanna tell u something...oh..makesure u come alone karang k...'

'oh rely?? ok..c u at 2nd floor later...k' She answered me...then ku pun berpaling n hati ku mula berhenti dari bersuara...dan lalu terlintas difikiranku.....'oh my god..wat am i doing?? apa yg ku buat ne?'

habis saja kelas tengah hari ku pun menunggu Pumy diluar kelas ku at 2nd floor..like wat we have promised...n ku menunggu begitu lama disitu..maybe about half in hour...but i keep on waiting n finally she came n smile at me...

'ehe sory jijul~i was late..ada hal td..sory aa?'...hehe i just smiled to her..n ia tanya lagi...'so apa yang ko kn gitau aku ne?' then ku terdiam seketika....dalam keraguan ku kuat kan hati ku dan aku..

'pumy..ku menyukai Gadis S.......'

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warning!!

Monday, March 9, 2009